I'm fairly sure absolutely no-one is interested in what I have to say to myself on here thus far, but I still get embarassed when I start things like this and I invariably get distracted and forget about them. So, for once, I would actually like to stick at something if only for my personal satisfaction. You never know, I may eventually come up with something of value... at some point in time.
I'm desperately poor at getting my train of thought across coherently, so apologies if anyone eventually reads this and has no clue what I'm on about. I find I think in very abstract terms, and what goes on in my head moves a lot faster than my fingers can to type it all out :-)
At the moment - apart from exams and my final year thesis - the main thing on my mind is religion and the concept of spirituality. It's such a pivotal aspect of human society in general, and it's played such a huge role in my life so far. Also, my convictions have been evolving (excuse the pun) so rapidly lately I can hardly keep up with them.
Basically, I am from a Catholic background, as are the vast majority of Irish people. When I was 15, I started attending a sort of charismatic, evangelical-type group a friend brought me along to, and I was a fervent attendee up until this year, more or less. I bought into the whole shebang - praying and reading the Bible every night, listening to Christian music, reading mainly Christian literature, abstaining from premarital sex, etc., etc. You get the picture. There were always, always a few issues I really struggled with. I have always valued sincerity of belief and a primary dedication to altruism over the adherence to an unquestionable set of beliefs, despite my strong convictions - I still questioned my faith, it's just that for a long time I felt I could reconcile my understanding of the world with my interpretation of Christianity and my faith. Now, though, I'm not so sure.
Most of the issues I have struggled with centred around the patriarchal history of religion and many of its (even contemporary) structures, the subjugation of women in the Bible, and its treatment of homosexuals and those who engage in sex before marriage. I think I largely suppressed my questions on these topics during my religious period, or felt them to be in some way "disloyal" to God. Now, though, I think life is too short not to listen to your heart on these subjects. I have retained my love and respect for Jesus and his teachings despite my newfound religious quandry, and as I see it he was never afraid to tackle the difficult questions, ergo I should not be either. So if you don't agree with what I have to say, well - you're perfectly entitled not to! I will value anything you wish to say in response, and I acknowledge the limitations of my own knowledge. I am open to correction on anything.
I believe that God values sincerity and integrity even more than I do. I do still believe in the existence of a God, it's my beliefs around their nature and requirements I'm not so sure of.
However, presuming the existence of God for a moment, I do think that an honest, searching heart trying to do and believe the right thing is more important to them than merely doing or believing the right thing in itself. This is not simply because this is how I feel myself, but I believe that the existence of human cogniscence and free will is evidence in support of my assertion. This is an issue I take with a lot of organised religion - if strict adherence to a set of regulations alone were God's requirement, that could easily be forced by an omnipotent deity. If all God cared about was that we did what they wanted, they need not - and I argue, would not - have made humankind capable of doing otherwise, or making conscious choices. This tells me that obedience, or behaviour, is not necessarily God's priority so much as the attitudes and choices that provoke it. It tells me that we are supposed to make choices, and really contemplate our behaviour. So, that's what I am setting out to do. Re-evaluate my entire system of belief, before re-constructing it accordingly.
You have probably noticed already that I am referring to God as "they" or "them", rather than using the traditionally masculine pronouns. This is because issues of gender are some of my most central concerns in terms of re-evaluating what I have previously accepted to be true. Firstly, I earnestly believe that any existing monotheistic God would by their very nature transcend gender, since their omnipotence removes the need for sexual procreation. Sex is a biological function we require to perpetuate our species since we are neither omnipotent (and able to furnish ourselves with offspring by magic), or immortal (removing the need for offspring altogether). As a deity transcendent of the ravages of time and with the capacity to create contrary to the law of conservation of matter, God does not need a sex, or corresponding gender.
So there. :-P God is a "they".
I have more thoughts on sex and gender, but I'm going to write them later... I've had too much coffee and I need to pee now.
No comments:
Post a Comment